Day 1 of the Rest of My Life.

Today is my first day without any help, where I have to leave the house and do things. 


I had Hubband home for 21 days and my mom here for 26 days.

Today I feel lonely, without an adult to talk to.  I've also been nauseated with heartburn at the thought of doing all this with three kids, by myself.
Zore doesn't care for the car.  Well, he doesn't care for the car unless we're doing at least 50 mph.
Call him Keanu... and me Dennis Hopper.  Or something like that. 
On top of just generally being an infant - he has a cold.  Like RSV cold.  Like keep taking him to the doctors to make sure he's not going to die kind of cold.  So yeah, that's awesome. 


Anyway, as this is the first day of the rest of my life (Hey, I'm up and doing *things* on five hours of interrupted sleep.  I can be cliche.) I thought I'd make a short list of the plans or things I'm thinking about for my life in the coming year.
[This is not a resolutions list, and yes my "plans" list is a month late. Whatev.] 


1.  Get back into shape.
This, I fear, is not going to be an easy endeavor.  Tomorrow I should be cleared for takeoff, and even 2 miles seems daunting.

2. Run 2 races.
I'm hoping to run the Rock 'n' Roll half in VA Beach, and hit a sub 2hr.   I'd also like to run the Marine Corps Full in Nov.  Yeah, I'd just like to finish.  No time goal for my first full.  


3. Get rich.
Ok, so that's not really it.  But - I am hoping to sell more photo sessions this year.  Every little bit helps, right? Also... get a new camera.  I'm pretty much desperate. 

4. School?
My goal, for what seems like forever, has been to go to nursing school.  Progeny 3, has pushed that back a few years.  It's made me profoundly sad.
I can't explain my feelings on not having finished school because of babies, adequately.  Just know that it's pretty much always hanging over my head and a major self-confidence killer.
I know what I'm doing at home is uber important - and I'm extremely blessed to be able to stay at home at just be with my kids.  (I even think this at 4pm - when all I want my kids to do is HUSH!)
For the last month, I've been toying with the idea of schooling that I can do at home - that will give me a quasi-career in something I'm passionate about.  (Nursing school is still on the agenda, but I'm impatient - and want something NOW.)  I'm currently looking into becoming a certified personal trainer.  I'd like to specialize in weight loss/nutrition and injury recovery (including pre and postnatal women).
It's still in the "formulation" phase, but it's a way for me to feel like less of schlepp until being IN school will be a bit easier on the family.

5. Paint my bathroom.
The only room in my house that I haven't painted.  Coincidentally, the only room that I get full control over.  The only "girly" room.  Ok, maybe not so coincidentally...


6. Build a teleport.
The plan for this year was to visit La Homestead in June for lil' bro's high school graduation - and then again at Christmas.
Some other plans have come to light and it's looking like we may have to travel in May.  Making travel in June too costly and difficult.  So I'll only be able to visit LaHomestead in Christmas.  Because my mom said that's when she'd rather have us.
Missing lil' bro's grad is pretty killer.  So, if I get on it now - I might be able to have a working prototype by June - and voila! Graduation in June, here I come.

7.  Sleep through the night.
Baby H is a grand ol' sleeper.  He goes down at about 10pm - sleeps until two.  Feeds and goes back to sleep.  IN HIS CRADLE!!!! Then is up again at about 5:30.  Pretty decent schedule, if you ask me.
But, by the end of the year - I expect him to sleep through the night.  By expect, I'm hoping, wishing and praying he will...

8. Buy shoes.
'Nuff said. 

Just a little "growth update" pic.

His appt. on Friday had him at 11lbs 12oz (fully clothed, diaper on)
and 22 inches long.

It's a "whompin" big baby! 

Mi Madre.

I'm putting together this post while my mom is still here.
Because in about two hours I'm going to look something like this:

It's called an "Ugly cry" for a reason.

I've opted not to make the drive to the airport.  I might not make it back, because I'm not sure how long I'm going to cry this evening.  

I'm going to miss you SO much.

I'm pretending it's not weird to sit on your mom's lap when you are:
a. 25 years old
and
b. Weigh more than your mom

Yes, she will make this her profile picture.

70's sitcom poster.
Grammy and Friends...? 

It's been fun, mom.  3,000 miles has never felt so big...

Dinner Goggles.

Our trials with B-rox's eating habits have been documented many times.

Lately he's taken to wearing a pair of glasses he won through his fundraiser, during dinner.
I believe they are the equivalent of beer goggles for adults.

Look mom.  With these goggles, I can make believe
I'm eating pizza! 

Or cookies!

[side note: Anybody else notice the lettuce sticking out of the hole in his mouth?
Totally gross.  But awesome too.]

Shit.  It's still just hippie rabbit food. 

3 For 1 Special.

For my boys and their dunkings  in the name of the Holy Man.

They behaved amazingly.  Zore didn't scream (if they do - is an exorcist called in?  I mean, Holy water shouldn't cause screaming upon touching the skin - right?) and the boys sat like angels.  Which is awesome. Because we sat in the front pew.  In front of everybody. 

Is it weird that his tie matches the blanket?

Once again, I've caught my mom's face at a bad time.
Sorry mom.
Also, those were NOT the shirts they wore. 
Though, the tie is cool.  

This picture says "that broad needs to run". 

Random pictures of the chaos that was baptizing three kids at once.
Father Charlie went home and took a valium.
And then prayed.
A lot.
I'm sure of it...

GodFather Perkins lighting the "faith" candles.

Upon seeing this picture Hubband says:
"You have a very hot husband.  Most NR wives are not so lucky."
He does not have a diminished sense of self... But GAH! This picture is NON-flattering to me.

luurve.
Mostly because I don't look too fat. 

Awkward Mother/Daughter Conversations.

There have been many of these over the centuries.  It seems to be that mothers and daughters, at some point in their togetherness, are going to have one.

My mom probably thinks its the day in the first grade, when during a library lesson on encyclopedias I had the "S" book", and came home and asked her about sex.
She'll probably tell you that's our awkward conversation.

I have a different conversation that comes to mind.

Me: Mom, while you're here we'll go get pedicures.  You could use the break, I could use the break - it will be superfantasticfabulous fun!
Mom:  Oh, that would be cool. I've never had a pedicure before.

*crickets chirping*

Me: Uhm... did you just say you've never had a pedicure?
Mom: Yes.  I've never had a pedicure.
Me: Oh, shit - really?
Mom:  Yeah, is that weird?

*More crickets*

Me: How is this possible?????


Last week I took my mother out for her first pedicure.  I felt kinda bad that it wasn't at some glorious spa -but the first time for things like this are often slightly lackluster.
I mean, who hasn't thought that a moonlit beach would be super-duper romantic, only to learn that sand in "romantic" situations is not so awesome????

She didn't seem to mind too much...

*On the way home*

Me: Thanks for going with me mom.  I love pedicures, and really needed this.
Mom: You're welcome.  I've never had a manicure either.

Here we go again...

American Girl Dolls.

I used to want one with every fiber of my being.
I used to peruse the catalogs until my eyes bled, circling things that I would buy for my American Girl doll.
Once I had one, that is.

I never got one.

Now I have kids.

While said kids are babies, we rarely leave the house without them in some adorable outfit, usually dressed better than the rest of us - combined.

Even if that adorable outfit looks closer to something he should wear on Halloween.
I'm making up for never getting that American Girl doll.

We call this outfit "Sully".
If you don't know why, you haven't seen "Monsters Inc."

Baby dinoZore has to have a dino outfit,
Right???

Oh, my favorite was Samantha, btw.
She had the best clothes. 

My Diaper Runneth Over...

Get it?  It's a play on words...  


Yesterday was my first day all by myself with all three kids.  For an entire day.

It started off awesomely. Yes, that is now a word.  I say so.  I handed the boys the iPod and let them watch movies for an hour in bed with me while Zore and I caught another hour of sleep.

Both boys were ridiculously well behaved and helped me get some laundry done, along with a shower/bath for all of us.  During naptime I was even able to make some phone calls.

Though I was tired by the time Mark got home, I felt maybe I could actually do this.

Then today happened.
The explosiveness of Braxton's temper as he adjusts to this new dynamic is blowing my mind.  To the point that I'm not sure how to even put it into words.
Unfortunately, I know exactly how he feels.
I was five when my baby sister came home.  The feelings of displacement were huge. It took nearly a decade for me to let go of the resentment I felt towards her.  (Though, none of it was really anyone's fault.)   And I know that's exactly what the B-rox is going through.
What I don't know is how to fix it.  I can't change that I can't drive or lift.  I can't change that Zore is here.
I can't change any of what is bothering him.  My heart is broken for him.  I feel completely helpless and overwhelmed.  And there isn't a damn thing I can do about any of it.  
Today is not a good day so far.

I'm trying to keep things in perspective.  A blog I have been following for a little over a year lost one of her babies last week.
Things could have gone that horribly wrong for me.  It was close, but (I'm about to get a teeny bit preachy...) God was looking out for us.  I made it through.  I have some ridiculous scars from it - but scars are badass, right? Holden survived.  And amazingly, is my rockstar baby so far.
I know I am blessed.  This very unplanned baby is going to bring much joy to my life.  To his dad's life.  To his brothers' lives (eventually).
Just like my two unplanned babies before him.
Yeah, I'm that gosh darn - statistic.  Thankfully I'm now missing some pieces of the baby making machine.  And this will Never. Happen. Again. 
*Can you hear the angels singing too? - No?  Oh.  Must just be me...*


So, today is not a good day.  And I've cried.  A lot.
But that doesn't mean tomorrow can't be good.  Mostly, because we're here.  And yes, I'm thankful.  Even when I have checkers boxes being launched at my head. 


Now, to tie in the diaper part:

Diapers have never been so dang adorable.

Baby H.  2 weeks old.
I'm a week behind... sue me.

A Little of This...

... A little of that.


B-rox wrote me a note.

Since deciphering some of his spelling/handwriting can be tough -
I'll translate:
"Mom,
You are being mean to everyone.
Love, Braxton"

Shortly before writing this, he and his brother had been careening around the living room.  I was feeling exhausted and had a bit of a headache, so I asked them to go play in the playroom for a little while.
Braxton freaked.  So, Mark told him if he wanted to be upstairs he had to pick up his toys.
After picking up his toys, he felt the need to vent.  As Hubband put it, "At least he said love Braxton?"


This guy turned Five.
A half decade.
Holy Moses.  I'm getting old. 

These are the pajamas in question.
He received them a few months before
Kenny was born... 

To B-rox,
To the boy who can fit in the same pair of pajamas for three years straight.
The boy who fancies himself a pirate, rockstar, and surfer dude - all in one.
The boy who doesn't realize he's small.
The boy, who - if you know him for more than five minutes - makes you forget he's small because his personality is HUGE.
My baby.  The boy who made me a mom and a better person.
The world is a better place with you in it.  Your laugh, smile and general infectious nature can only do good things.
Here's to the next five years, kid.  

We're adjusting.

As you can see, Hubband has mastered being a couch cushion -
AND wielding the remote.  

And this guy.
I don't, for a second, want him to think he's been forgotten.
Kenny - we love you too.  

Merry Christmas!

Only a little bit late...  

This post will be word-lite, and picture kinda heavy.  

Gimme a break, it's hard to type while nursing!  

Christmas Jammies! 

How Zore spent the morning...

Pillow Pets.
Uhm, HUGE hit.

See?
And, the first outfit change of the morning.
Go Beavs!!! 

VERY excited to be superheros...

The excitement (and posing) continues...
for a good five minutes.

 There was going to be a video of our new xbox kinect... but blogger's being stoopid.
So, there was also a new xbox, and a kinect system.

And then naps.

And then... Christmas movies, and video games.

It was a great Christmas.