I SO Didn't See That One Coming...

Conversation three minutes ago:

B-rox: Mom, why do pirates have so many gadgets?

Me: Because men like gadgets.  Gadgets make men happy.  That's why tool stores are so big and why they wear stuff on their belts.

B-rox: Oh, is that why we have penis' and girls have vaginas?  Because they like stuff hanging off of them?

Oh jesus...

Because My Brain Refuses To Function.

I cannot come up with a decent full length pictures included, post.

I'm losing it folks.  But that's ok.  I get my hair cut tomorrow.  I have been counting down the days since I made the appointment 23 days ago.

*I'm pretty bummed that I couldn't keep running the whole way through this. I'm still working out, the boys and I head to the pool in the evenings, I swim laps and Mark gives the trolls swim lessons.  I just miss running...
I feel blessed to live in a neighborhood with an indoor pool.  Swimming year 'round is awesome.  The strides the boys have made since the beginning of the summer have been astronomical.
Braxton barely needs us (it's more we're there because... well, to not be is irresponsible) with his floaty on.  Then, for the last 15 minutes or so after I've finished my workout - he takes his floaty off and works on actual swimming.  You should have seen him with the kickboard yesterday - amazeballs.  The best part for me is seeing how proud Hubband is.  The despair he felt over the fact that none of his children seemed to really enjoy swimming was pretty palpable.  Now they do, and he's all "Look at meh, I'm raising a hoard of Mike Phelps'!!! My swimmers make awesome swimmers!"  


*B-rox has finally caught on to the awesomeness of mothers.
After repeatedly telling him to sit down and eat his dinner, he got up again.  This is what happened:


Me: BRAXTON - SIT YOUR BOOTY DOWN NOW!  (The bellow was awesome, really.)
B: Mom - you weren't even looking at me - how did you know I was sneaking out?  How do you always know this stuff????????
Me:  I'm your mom.  It means I have superpowers.  I will always know when you're sneaking.
B: That makes me SO mad.  It's not fair!!!!!!
I know son, I know...


*I, am apparently, ok with lying to my kids.
The other night we had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.
Braxton, who happens to fear meat, asked for one meatball cut into "many" pieces.
I have him five, cut in half.
He thanked me for the delicious meatball.
I smiled and said "you're welcome".

*Das Boysikins super awesome special birthday party is this weekend.
Pray for me. 

*There are 19 days until I'm full term.  26 days to the point that each of my other two pregnancies ended. 40 days until the due date.
I'm pretty sure that's not enough time for me to be ready.  (physically - yes.  Mentally.... probably never.)
What should scare everyone about these particular numbers is that means there are only 45 days until Christmas.  Are You ready? 


*On a quick and positive note, the weather here has been wonderful.  The leaves make me happy every time I look at them.  Seriously.  It's like shoot rainbows out of your booty, happy gorgeousness! 


Signing off,
Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville

Testing, Testing...

As you saw in the Halloween post, Hubband owns an old car.  A 1979 Chevy Corvette, to be exact.


As is the case quite often, he had to go to work today.  His AWS day.  (He works his 80 hours in 9 days, as opposed to 10 - to earn that every other Friday off.  Fabulous.  When it works.) 
However, the rest of his carpool - did not.

So, he got to drive his car to the train station.  Being old, it takes a moment to get humming.
By humming, I mean it growls.  And yes, I find it kind of sexy.  But that's another matter.  
He started his car, then did his very manly household chore of taking the recycling out to the curb for pick up.

After changing the oil in his car, he just pulled it forward, and parked backwards in the driveway.  So, when he was doing his manly recycling duty (I also find recycling sexy.  Also, another matter...)  his car was blowing the exhaust into the garage.  Which has a door, leading to the house.  Which hubband left open.
The security system on our house goes "Beep Beep Beep - Back Door" whenever the contacts are separated. 
Very wise of him, less chitlin' disturbage/wife disturbage.

Until about 30 minutes after he left.  I began hearing "Riing Beeep Riing - Carbon Monoxide detected".  


Shit. 


Luckily, my pregnant nose could smell the exhaust fumes before I even got to the main floor.

A real gas leak would have been a shitty way to begin my Friday.  


I "calmed" the kids down.  (More on this in a minute...)

Put on pants.  No, I do not sleep with pants on.  They tend to create tourniquets on my legs by the end of the night.  


Then I opened every window in the house, in 38 degree weather, at 6:00 in the morning.

We went to McDonalds.  Where, I managed to look not very pretty... 


Then, the Fryer alarms went off, and Braxton started bawling again.
"Mom, I'm tired of emergencies.  Can we just go home and watch a movie?"
"Unfortunately, no.  We have to let the house air out. Eat your pancakes."
"Hahaha, vaginas."
[facepalm] {mental cursing to whomever told him that was funny.  I will rue you for forever!!}


Then we came home.  To a refrigerator where our house used to be.

Put on slippers, and watched "How to Train Your Dragon".

We've yet to fall into a sleepy coma.

Lesson of the day?
Beware of the consequences of telling your hubband he needs a hobby... 

Kenny... Seriously now.

**Scene**
Kenny heads down to the playroom, where B-rox is peacefully building cities.  Kenny has lightsaber in hand.  (Yes.  Lightsaber.)

B-rox:  Hey, Kieran.  See my awesome city?
Kenny: No.
*thwack*
B:  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  Booohooohooooo!
Kenny heads upstairs.  


Me: Kenny, did you just hit your brother with your sword?
K: No.
Me: Are you sure?
K: He pushed me.
Me: After you hit him with your sword?
K: It's not my sword, this one is B-rox's.
Me: Kieran, did you thwack your brother with that sword?
hangs head
K: Well... I used Braxton's sword and put it on his head.  Hard.

Oi.

Releasing Control...

This year I had some serious plans for the boys' costumes.

They were NOT into my plans.

So, Hubband took them to Target.
Because I relinquished control.  And it made them happy.

Which resulted in this Halloween:

Hubband played the sexy mechanic.  Getting so into the spirit of the holiday that he decided the grease needed to be real, and changed the oil in his car.
Which, of course, included two trips to Advanced Auto...

Uhm... potty dance?

The hockey stick is a new addition to the bat belt.
Look for it in the next Christian Bale movie!

I have no words to describe this.

Except that I'm so glad I caught this on camera! 

I'm comin' for you!

And, the pumpkins were there too.

We hope your Halloween was safe, fun, and fruitful!

Uhm...

I was going to post pictures of our Halloween.

But, Google is trying to kill me.

By kill me, I mean they won't let me upload pictures.  "Server Rejected".

So, I'll try again later.

Bare with me grandparents....

Until then, Happy Halloween.

You Thought I Was Making This Up, Didn't You?

Now that my cheeks are no longer on fire, and I've managed to show my face at school again with no jeering or pointing or laughing, I can show you the horrific evidence.

As hubband put it:
"It's like the material just stopped wanting to be together"

Which happens to be a really nice way of saying:
"That material got really tired of being wrapped around your butt."