Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Embarrassment. Plain and Simple.

Today I was the mother of those kids. You know the kind I'm talking about. The "OMG - I can't believe she takes those gremlins out in public. I would never allow such disbehavior in my children" kind of kids.

I ran errands while Braxton was in school. It's easier with only one to lug around. But, I couldn't finish them all - so I left the one I figured would be the easiest for after I picked up the B-rox.
I just had to stop by the FHC pharmacy and pick up a refill on a prescription. (Ironically, birth control - as if this visit didn't end up being enough to keep me 10ft away from Mark at all times...) I called the Rx in last week, and usually just two day is enough. I figured a week should be plenty.

We get there - and first off the boys absconded with my ID. For those who are not militarily aquainted, without your ID you can't do jack. To put it simply. No base, no NEX, no healthcare. With a small exception. You can sign a little sheet of paper saying "I promise I'm allowed here, I'll come up with my ID sometime in the next 30 days". So I fill that out with many a "Don't put that in your mouth" and "stop, stop, stop". Ugh.

Then I get in line and get my number. Usually it takes about ten minutes from this point 'til I'm walking out the door.

This is where the fun began. I do not know what posessed my children.
Kieran started screaming. I have no idea - still - what it was about. Bloody murder, kicking, hitting, and some thrashing. A serious tantrum, out of the blue.

Braxton started jumping from chair to chair. Wait - what?????? Yup. Jumping. From chair to chair. Of course I tried to stop him. But the moment I would turn to try and shut Kieran's pie hole he'd be trying some new wipeout move.

Tock... (yes, all that crap is still going on, in fact, getting worse)

I am now 45 minutes into this "run into the clinic and pick up my Rx", something that should NOT be happening - that's why I call the refill in ahead of time.
So like any mother on the edge I walk up to the counter and demand they tell me what the hell is so hard about grabbing a PRE-PACKAGED BOX OF THREE MONTHS WORTH OF BIRTH CONTROL??????? Especially when I called it in a week ago.

Both of my children are now screaming like Banshees. Kieran, again, I have no clue what was going on there. Braxton was screaming because I was holding his hand, tightly, to ensure that he would not get away from me while I was trying to deal with the problem.

After a couple of "ma'am, it's not ready yet"s, and me replying with "That is not my fault, I called it in a week ago"s. Eventually, after much screaming (again, the boys - not me. I was very calm considering...) They realized the problem. (I'm pretty sure they're idiots. That's what I think the problem is.) Voila - they reach into the fridge and pull out a pre-packaged box, of three months worth of birth control. Oh, and their parting quip was "You might want to be more patient in the future - you're not the only patient waiting. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????????????? Clowns.

So we leave. I'm am drenched in sweat, insanely embarrassed, pissed and defeated. I have never felt like such a failure. Oh, and they're still screaming as we leave. When we got to the car, Braxton escalated to the point of kicking and punching my car.

I pulled everything out of my arsenal today. I still failed. I do not even know what to do, or how to change this. I pray it's just a phase. Or better yet - a one time thing. I am not sure if I can spend another day feeling like a broken mom. Like I'm failing them somehow. I don't know what to do.

I was the mom with those kids today. And I don't even know what to do about it.

1 reviews:

McDorky said...

No worries, friend. Teacher to the rescue! First off, it happens to EVERYONE! Don't feel bad - I would write a letter of complaint to the pharmacy explaining what happened and how RUDE and STUPID and SLOW the pharmacists were when your Rx should have been more than ready.

About the kids. I know it is hard to know when they will blow, but you can try to set up purposeful "teaching moments." Plan an outing that is not super pressing (doesn't need to be done immediately or at all) and maybe even fun. Could be an errand - whatever. When they lose it, simply stop what you are doing, take them out, put them in the car and go home. Tell them, "This behavior is absolutely NOT okay in public, and if you can't be respectful of those around you won't be going out. Period." Tell them you are sorry for them and they must be sad about not being able to go out anymore. Then stick to your guns. Make sure either Mark or a friend or even babysitter can watch them the next time you do something (an errand, but preferably something they enjoy). Let them know that you are going out to do this thing (movie, to the park, restaurant, etc.), how excited you are, and man, you sure WISH you could take them. Go do something fun and LEAVE them at home. Make sure it is not that fun to be at home while you are gone. Not as a punishment, it just shouldn't be as fun as what you are doing. Talk about what a great time you had when you get home.

The next time you need to go out, sit them down before you go and say, "I would like to try to take you out again. What do you think?" Let them clearly know your expectations of their behavior and ask them to think about whether they can meet those expectations (I check for understanding with real little kids by asking things like, "Are you going to scream in public? Give me a thumbs up (yes) or thumbs down (no)... Are you going to keep your hands and feet to yourself and on the floor? Thumbs up or thumbs down? etc...).

If they act out again, take them home immediately and repeat the process. I like to take their hand and lead them out of wherever we are with no words. Not 'til we get to the car or home. Then they stew about it and think about what they did to have to leave the store.

It takes planning and commitment, but I guarantee that this WILL work. I have used it with numerous kids, and it never fails. Most of the time it works after the first time and they never misbehave again.

Even if you are at a restaurant. Tell them once your expectations and if they are still being rude, take them out immediately. Have Mark do the check and bag up YOUR and HIS meal (not theirs). They are done.

Also, when another kid is throwing a fit in public, take your kids aside and ask them how it makes them feel when someone is loud and screaming in public. Tell them what you think about it. This will START to help your kids decenter and think about others (it is hard for them to not be egocentric at this age, but it will plant a seed).

Hope this helps.