Friday, April 29, 2011

Fun On Friday.

I just made my children watch waaaaay too many hours of the Royal Wedding.

There were definitely a few moments where my childhood wishes of becoming a princess bubbled right up to the surface again.
Kate Katherine, Princess William, was absolutely gorgeous.  Her dress was beautiful and she seemed adequately nervous.  Seriously, she just became the future Queen of England.   There was one point where I saw her mouth to Prince William "are you happy?".  He nodded, and asked the same of her.  She just beamed.

I hope it lasts...

Anyway - this is what B-rox took from it:
B: Mom, I'm going to marry a princess someday and make you a queen.
Me:  That's sweet, but it doesn't really work that way.
B: If I marry a pretty princess - I'll be a prince.  Then I can just tell them you are.

He doesn't need to marry a princess to make me feel like a queen.  Things like that let me know he already thinks I am.  

Aaaand, now for some visual stimulation.  Here's his parkour video.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Medical Licenses For Free... Apparently.

I breast feed.  
Because I can.
Because it's what's best for me.
It's what's best for my baby.
I really like "having a treadmill strapped to my chest".  Because, let's face it.  Women are not happy with the way they look after having a kid. I am, obviously, a woman, thus not happy with my body post-baby. 
I also like that it's, uh, free.  (Except for the fact that I'm Hungry Like The Wolf.  All. The. Time.)
That being said - If you don't breast feed.  That's fine.  It's none of my business why, I don't judge, if your baby is happy - if you are happy - I don't understand why I should have an opinion on how you feed your baby.  

I also cloth diaper. 
I think everybody should do this (but understand if you don't).  If you ask me about it, I'm likely to evangelicalize about it.  Just call me Sister Sarah, of the Church of Cloth Diapers.  

Alright, now that we've gotten the introduction over with - I can go into my rant. 

Holdeezy went in to his 4 month well baby appointment on Monday.  After a quick "systems check" as I call them, (reflexes - body part check - heart/lung -eyes, ears, nose, mouth), this is the conversation that followed:

Doctor: I checked his weight on the growth chart, he seems to be on the low end of the scale.
Me: That's not really surprising.  Neither of my other children were huge and my first is what you'd call tiny.
Dr: Are you nursing full time?
Me: Yes.  
Dr:  It may be time to switch to formula.
Me: Uh, why?
Dr: Because your baby is small.
Me: Uhm, he's gained a pound in the last month...
Dr: Yes, but he's only in the 20th percentile for weight.
Me: Yes, but he continues to gain - on the 20th percentile curve.  I'm not seeing the problem.
Dr: Well, how do you know he's getting enough food?
Me: I nurse on demand, and whenever I pump I can hit 8 ounces in about 5 minutes.  So, I know I'm making enough.
Dr: You should think about supplementing with formula.
Me: I don't understand why.
Dr: Your baby is small.
Me: My baby is small - in weight.  (In height he's in the 70th percentile - or something like that.) But he has fat rolls on his legs, is happy (hello - hungry babies aren't) and is gaining weight just fine.  He's a small dude.  JUST. LIKE. HIS. BROTHER! 
Dr: Also, there was a tiny bit of butt rash - cloth diapering doesn't seem to be working.  You should save yourself the energy and just switch to disposables. 
Me: My kid has been sick, and running a fever.  The fact that his diaper rash is barely noticeable is BECAUSE of the cloth diapers.  
Dr: So, you're going to continue to breast feed? 
Me: Yes.  
Dr: You should start giving him rice cereal.
Me: 2 problems with that: I don't plan on starting solids until 6months and if you're worried about calories - recommending  rice cereal is probably not wise as it's LOWER in calories. 
Dr: Ok.  But you should come back in two weeks for a weight check.
Me: WHY? HE GAINED A POUND IN A MONTH!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

So, I'm pretty convinced he obtained his medical license for free.  On the internet.  From "We are Idiots Academy".  
Also, why are there so many nutters in the medical/dental profession - and why do I have to see them all?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Playing Hooky. (Hookie?)

But not really.  It was B-rox's last day of spring break and gorgeous out.
Kenny and I showed the Hubband and B-rox the wonders of the Marine Corps Museum Playground.

The first time in a swing - and not quite sure about it.


Oh mom, you sly dog, you! 

This shiz is fun! 

Wiggly stepping stones.  

I asked for them to smile.
This is what I get.  

Some Captain America action...

Kenny pushing dad, so he doesn't hurt his owie anymore.

Don't ask. 
Just a day in the life...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

4 Months!

What better inspiration to get his four month pictures done, than the arrival of diapers?  (Diapers that were ordered SIX weeks ago!)

You're going to have to pay me for this. 

Hellz Yeah I accept payment via boob! 

Watch me get my flirt on, Lady. 

Mmmm... Boooooob....

... Oh, look.  My toes!

Who needs a hookah, when you can contemplatively blow bubbles? 

The end.
Get it? 

This is how I know my kids will someday need therapy.
 I mean, look at that crazy woman. 
 At his appointment today we learned he hasn't been sleeping because he has another set of ear infections.
We also learned he's 14lbs 7oz.  I don't know how many inches.  Tall, I know that.
He laughs.  He log rolls.  He makes me glad I had him.

Monday, April 25, 2011

This Guy.

Hit the four month mark 11 days ago.
I have not yet taken his monthly pictures.  I'm working on it...

Yes, people melt when they meet him.  How can you not with a grin like that? 

Also, they stick their finger in his mouth.  But that's a whole other post...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter.

From, the eggs.
Oh yeah.  We went there. 

Saturday, April 23, 2011

I No Longer Need a Break.

I need a crevasse.

One that even Bear Grylls couldn't rescue me from.  I want to sleep in that crevasse as long as it takes for global warming to melt me out of it.
A really, really, long time.

I've never actually been in a crevasse.  But, I'll bet they're quiet.  And dark.  And very sleep - inducing.

This past week has been fun. 
Every single member of my family (except me) has had a medical or dental appointment at least once this week.

Monday went like this:
Wake up at five am
Get B-rox ready for school
Take B-rox to school
Come home
Drink coffee
Pick B-rox up from school early
Slog through DC traffic to pick up Hubband from work
Slog back through traffic to make medical appointments for B-rox and Hubband
Deal with medical appointments
Film B-rox doing his beginning parkour moves
This picture will have to do for the time being.
Google is awesome challenged at the moment, and won't let me upload the video. 
Slam hand in car door
Learn car door will close and fully latch with hand in it
The morning after.
Yes.  Still sore. 
Cry a little
Slog through traffic home
Make dinner
Have a cocktail

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all seemed to be much of the same.  You can do some substitutions for "slam hand", like "argue with Butt Wad Dentist man".  (Who, at Kenny's appointment apologized.  Kenny had a stellar report card, no cavities, and very healthy gums.  Go. Freaking. Figure.) 

Oh, and did I mention that my angel baby decided that this is the week he doesn't want to be an angel baby?  He, for the last seven nights, has woken up every. single. hour.
When I ask Hubband to help out, he's more than willing.  Holdeezy has a few things to say about that though. Like "wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" or "Shrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeik" or "dangnabbitquitholdingmeyoustinkyman!".
As soon as he's back with me he's quiet and happy.  Just not asleep.


If you are a friend or family member, and are feeling neglected or forgotten by me - I apologize.  I don't think I've forgotten you.
But since I forgot when my birthday was, the other day, it's possible...  

Please don't write me off yet.  My planner for the coming week is MUCH less crowded.  I'll remember you all, then.
Thank you baby Jesus.  

Oh, and have a Happy Easter everybody.  I know I plan to.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


This week has been a pretty big one (and I'm only half-way through it...).
We'll be in a doctor's or dentist's office every single day this week.  Every. Single. Day. 

Monday, was the B-rox's ENT appointment.  To get some help.
Here's the low-down.  His tonsils are huge - even when he's not sick.  When he gets sick, they get bigger - and that's dangerous.

After giving the rundown to the doc, (he chokes on them when he lays flat, talks around them, mouth breaths... etc.)
She asked a couple of questions:
" Does he use an inhaler?"
"Does he constantly clear his throat?"
"Does he have problems with his teeth?"
"Is he really energetic?"
Yes. YES. YES!!!!!  HELL YESS!!!!!

Here's the run-down:
It looks like his "wheezing" may actually be trying to breath around his tonsils when they're irritated.  Not his lungs.
His throat clearing isn't actually an asthmatic cough - it's him choking on his tonsils.  Even when he's awake.
His teeth problems are because he mouth breaths SO much, his saliva is thick, thick thick - which isn't doing it's job of protecting his teeth.
And, apparently the fighting with his tonsils to breath, eat, sleep and what not makes him tired.  So he compensates by being "High energy".  Which, in my dictionary means "crazy as shiz".

I have never, ever been so happy to think about one of my kids going under the knife.  According to the doctor - this should solve SO many of his problems.  SOOOOO many.  I'm stoked.
Answer numero uno. 

Yesterday was a visit with his dentist.  Six months ago, we took him in and discovered his mouth was really unhealthy.  Since then he's been in three times to fix teeth, (baby root canals, crowns, etc.) which was really depressing to me.  [Mom fail... or so I thought].  That first day, I heard an earful from Mr. Dentist man.
He compared me to a mother who put Karo syrup in her kid's bottle of pepsi - because pepsi wasn't sweet enough.
Also, with the mother who let her kid eat as much candy as she wanted - and didn't bother with tooth brushing.
Just for the record - I've been brushing B's teeth since he got them - at three months.  Also, we don't keep soda in the house - and the only candy currently in my house is my "sanity stash".  Which is chocolate.  No, I don't share it.
He also informed me that nursing at night is very detrimental to a baby's mouth.
Uhm, show me the mom who brushes her baby's teeth after a 2am feeding.  Show her to me so I can punch her for trying to be all perfect-y.  

I left bawling.  I felt like the biggest failure in the world.  But promised Mr. Dentist man I'd bring Braxton back, and follow his EVERY instruction.
So, for the last six months Braxton has been flossing which honestly - feels like a waste of time because none of his teeth even touch eachother!  Using a flouride rinse, and he no longer brushes his own teeth.  Hubs and I have completely taken over.

Well, about two months ago, his teeth turned brown.  Like Britain in the 80's brown. Like, he looks like George Washington with wooden teeth brown.  Muy disgustado! 

So, I scheduled his cleaning and had the hygienist make a note about my concern over this.

The report from the hygienist:
Apparently I need to brush his teeth every day, floss and use a mouthrinse.
The two spots that just needed a sealant now need root canals and crowns.
I also need to stop the daily candy and soda intake.

Uhm... WTF????

Just so you all know - telling your dentist that you don't let your kids have soda and candy on an anything close to regular basis - is futile.
Yes, he eats A LOT of sugar.  On a daily basis he'll eat a banana, apple, orange, kiwi - or bowl of berries.  He eats a fruit with both breakfast and lunch - and his snacks.

So, I asked to speak with Mr. Dentist man in person.  No hygienist middle man for me. 
They decided NOT to usher me into a conference room for this discussion.  Their bad.
From the 30 minute "conversation":

DM: Braxton needs to work on his brushing.
Me: I brush his teeth.
DM: Well, these grades are for you, too, mom.  (Braxton recieved D's in both hygiene and brushing.)
Me: Don't be such a smarmy jerk.  
DM: You need to cut back on his daily soda and candy.
Me: We don't even have those in the house.
DM: You also need to use a flouride rinse and floss his teeth.
Me: We do, every day.
DM: No - you don't.  I'm telling you what I see.
Me:  You're seeing it wrong then.
DM: Maybe you need to scrub his teeth harder.
Me: I go through a battery on his toothbrush every other week.  Any harder and I'll scrub his teeth away.
DM: Well - you're missing spots. The germs eat what he eats and poops on his teeth, causing decay.
Me: Thanks.  I somehow made it 25 years without knowing that little bit of info! 
Me: So, somehow - putting even more effort into his teeth than we ever have before - his teeth are getting worse.  Please explain how "missing a few spots" is to blame for this.
DM: I'm just telling you what I see.
Me: I don't have a degree in dentistry and I can tell something is seriously effed up with his mouth.
DM: Well, I don't know what to say.  You need to brush more carefully.
Me: Say that one more time... just one more.  You'll get the privilege of  meeting my fist. 
Me: So, yesterday when the ENT told me that his mouth problems are most likely related to his tonsils - she was full of crap?
DM: OOOOOH, no, that's probably a big part of it.  After he gets those out his mouth shouldn't dry out and will protect his teeth a bit.
Me: And the staining (which thankfully was scraped off - even though it was at the expense of his gums) couldn't be attributed to anything but me "missing a few spots"?
DM: Well - not unless he's taken to chewing tobacco.
Me: What about his iron supplement?
DM: Ooooh, I should have thought to ask about that.  The three most staining products are chewing tobacco, soy sauce and iron drops.
Me: Yeah.  Thanks buttwad. 

 In short, we're seeking a new pediatric dentist.  I knew from the beginning he was an ass - to the parents. But I can tell he has a deep passion for pediatric dentistry and the boys are comfortable there, so we continued to go. I have chosen not to let him make me doubt my ability to take care of my kids anymore, though.
The best part is - after he saw Kenny's mouth (who recieved all A's) he didn't really change his tune about my ability to brush B-rox's mouth.
So, apparently - I just preferentially brush Kieran's mouth better.  Whatever.  

So, we have answers - and our year of better health seems to actually be coming to fruition.  WOOT!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

This Post is Dedicated to Groupon.

Nationals Stadium isn't exactly Yankee stadium - and even without groupon, tickets are still in a normal person price range.
However, we're not so highbrow that we won't knock old people down jump on the deal $25 seats for $9 a pop.

This is where we could have been found on Sunday:

Transportation walk in front of the DOT.
Kidlet's first game.
Go figure - the Nats won.
Not once, but twice that day.
A modern day miracle!

When they built the new stadium, they made sure to incorporate local cuisine.
Ben's Chili Bowl
Dulce's Gelatto.
Boys had Gelatto, Hubband and I had some chili-cheese-fries.
(They were shooting t-shirts out of the launchers, which is why everyone is standing and cheering, but neither boy could be bothered to look up from their dessert.)

Thanks Groupon.  You really made our day!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

We Call This Manly Bonding.

Adorable, no?

Monday, April 18, 2011


This is how you make nerds a colloid:

1 cup cornstarch
1/2 cup water
Few drops of food coloring

(A colloid is tiny solid particles suspended in liquid.  Making a not-solid-not-liquid-and-definitely-not-gas.) 

This is B-rox trying to figure out how to "make it gassy too.  Then it could be a colloidas".
Eventually he came to the conclusion it can't be like air AND like a solid AND like water.  

When resting, this colloid acts as a liquid.
When agitated (rolled into a ball, tapped, stirred, etc.) it acts as a solid.
Mind bending. 

It does NOT taste good.
(Imagine that... but somethings you just have to discover for yourself.)

He's pretty stoked about science.  Why else would he have a pocket protector? 

Pretty fun "Scientists project".

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Not Lost. Definitely Not Forgotten.

But, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and lately, Kenny just hasn't been squeaky enough.
Between Braxton's health issues, and Holden's... baby issues.  (No real issues - now that his pneumonia is gone. He's just a baby.  And boy is he good at it.)

So Kenny, I want to let you know - we love you.  Just as much as Braxton, just as much as Holden.
And we haven't forgotten you.
Thank you for being you.
I wouldn't change a single thing about you.  
Love, Mommy and Daddy.

Friday, April 15, 2011


This morning Holdeezy woke up about an hour earlier than normal, at 5am.  By the time the feeding was over, I was over the whole "lets go running" thing.  So, I decided to do some yoga after the B-rox was dropped off at school and got 12 more winks.

After I got my vinyasa flowing - Kenny decided it was his turn.

Pretty decent form.  Chest out, hips mostly on the ground, head aligned with the spine.  

Seriously impressing me.  This is 20 minutes into the workout.  

He had just finished watching me so notice his anticipatory 
"cow-faced" pose.  
(the one where he's trying to grab his hands from above and below - behind his back)

Kenny, darling, you made me incredibly proud today.  

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My Brain is NOT Smarter Than a Five Year Old's.

Do you remember being five?  I do.  Well, some parts at least.  I remember going on my kindergarten trout fishing field trip expecting to come back with a pet fish.
(In case you are wondering, I did not come home with a pet trout.) 
I remember my little sister coming home from the hospital.
(In case you were wondering, I did not like her.) 
I remember learning to make Macaroni 'n' Cheese.
I remember my mother telling me that we were out of pancake mix.
(No.  We were not. She *apparently* didn't feel like making them again for the 1,685th day in a row.) 
I remember random moments that I don't remember the context of, or even why I remember them.

What I don't remember?

My brain expanding as fast as my kids' brains seem to.

I spend the whole drive to school explaining different world, science/biology, language concepts to the B-rox. All conversations are sparked by him.  Kenny, while listening, will usually come up with a very valid question - proving that he's learning "stuff" too.

A few of the magical conversations we've had:

(This one was actually between the two brothers.  I had no input.  Well, except laughter.) 
Kenny: DAMN!
B-rox: What does Damn mean?
Kenny: Damn is when something is broken, or someone gets hurt, or the car doesn't work. You just say damn and that's what it means.
B-rox: Oh.  That's a good word.
Kenny: Yeah.
Yes, I understand this means I've used that word too many times.  Yes, I understand I should have stepped in and told them to stop saying that word.  It is hard to do that when you're laughing as hard as I was. 

On the way into the school:
B-rox: Mr. G is the boss of the school.
Me: Yes, he is.
B-rox: Mr. G is the boss of this school because he's a man and "womans" can't be bosses of schools.
Me [looking for nearby brick wall to smash head against]: No, Mr. G is the boss of this school because he owns it.  If I owned the school, I would be boss of it.  Even though I'm a girl.
B-rox: But, you're just a mom.  You don't know how to own a school.
Me:  Oh jeez....

Driving through our neighborhood after school:
B-rox: Mom, why does that guy have a white and red stick?
Me: Because he's blind
B-rox: What is blind?
{We spend 45 minutes reviewing the five senses and how they help us "figure out our world"}
Me: So, your five senses help you figure out your world, right?
B: Yes.
Me: So, if you were blind and couldn't see your food - what would you do to figure out your food?
B: Put on glasses.
Duh, mom. 

[In Braxton's school, they learn Spanish one day a week. Because we're fancy like that...]
Door to door salesman: Hello, I'm here to sell.... (cleaners? I don't remember.)
B-rox: Hola is Hello in Spanish.
D2D: Yes, it is - very good!  Did your mommy teach you that?
B: No, I'm half Spanish and half  "anglish".  I just know it already.
Me: [facepalm]

So, maybe these weren't the most text book examples of their ever expanding brains.  They were the most hilarious, the most remember-able (totally a word), and in my opinion, the best way to show how giant their brains are.

If you don't believe me, just ask B-rox's teacher.  The incumbent 1st graders are testing this week, and she informed me Braxton could test with them and have no issues.
Like I didn't already know that... 

Monday, April 11, 2011

Into Thin Air.

A harrowing account by Jon Krakauer of the 1997 dramz on Everest


What it would be like if you entered my brain.

There isn't much there, yet, I'm going to fill the blogosphere with it anyway.

*I registered for two races this past week.

My first triathalon, which is 1/5 the distance of an Iron Man. {July 10th} (And hopefully a good way to break into the world of Tri-ing)
{If anybody has any tips, hints, advice on this whole tri process, please let me know!} 

And the Woodrow Wilson Bridge Half Marathon.  {October 2}
Race ends here.
I'm not sure how I feel about it.
I know it's called "The awakening"
But - it kind of looks like "The Deadening".
Not good at the end of a race. 

It feels good to have goals to work towards again, I don't feel like I'm just floundering around in the world of chauffering and diapers.
However, my workout this morning - 2 mile run and 30 minutes on the bike reminded me how far out of shape I currently am...
And how much I hate 5am. 

*Natalie Portman quit veganism.
Because the baby told her to.  Proving, that pregnancy cravings are no joke.
Basically, I told you this because sometimes I would tell hubband that "The baby wants a burger" and he just rolled his eyes as he grabbed his keys.  

*The government didn't shut down.   Thank you Baby Jesus. 
Do I really need to say more on that?

*You need to watch this video.  It will make you smile.  If it doesn't, you should call 911.  Because you're probably dead.

*I'm off to go wake up my older trolls and make them play outside.  Prove to the neighbors we're not vampires, and all that... 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

BlooBusters V. BumbleBees

Yesterday was alliteration team day, apparently.
Just some awesome pics from the B-rox's first match.
Yes, I am now that mother.  

Favorite picture.  All because of the little girl behind B-rox.
Yes, That kid really is that much bigger.
Yes,  B-rox really did take him on.
Yes, B-rox really did get the ball away from him...

And then much bigger kid looked like he wanted to eat BlooBuster for snack...
 We don't keep score and the games are more about teaching and having fun than "winning or losing".

Braxton's smile the entire game was about a mile wide. I call that *Winning*!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Meet the BlooBusters!

B-rox had his first practice today.  Not gonna lie.  The kid has some serious skillz...

...With a sweatband.
I googled "long hair boys wear sweatbands"
The top results?
Richard Simmons
The Olsen Twins
Olivia Newton John
This is SOOOO much better.  
His team name is the "BlooBusters".  Officially it's probably spelled "blubusters", but I'm going with a Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends feel. 

He completely enjoyed himself.

Add caption
Managed to impress me a little bit.

And then maybe not impress me quite as much.

Oh, and in case you're wondering what I wore cooked for dinner, I wore my see mom run shirt and jeans cooked chicken to shred onto salad.  Totally looked awesome! It was completely delicious!