Monday, November 29, 2010

The Fatty.

I'd call it the "skinny", but I'm not skinny anymore.  So you're getting the "fatty".
Hey, it's Monday.  I can make stupid jokes. 

So, here's the deal.

Monday, Hubband came home from work with his intestinals all torn up.  45 seconds after getting off the train, he was yakking over the guardrail.  I also had a feverish B-rox, and a Kenny who had decided to try and kill my slipcovers earlier in the week.
I figured I'd wash my hands a lot, wipe everything down with a virucidal and anti-bacterial and wear a mask.

It didn't work.  About 4am on Tuesday, I woke up in crazy pain.  Which, it turned out - was happening every 2-3 minutes.

I sat in the tub and tried to drink some water.  The water didn't sit well - and the tub didn't comfort me very much.
Luckily, hubband was feeling better, and was already planning on being home for the morning as I had a regularly scheduled checkup.

When I got to the check-up, the nurse admitted me to LnD after a 2 second glance at me.
She did NOT listen when I told her it was so NOT baby time.  

Anyway, to sum it up fairly quickly - I spent 24 hours in the hospital against my will because my uterus was gung-ho for the contractions.
The doctors wouldn't let me go because of the contraction timing, my labor history, and the fact that this is my third.
The doctors wouldn't do anything to help labor along because I wasn't technically "full term" yet.  (The midwife was all about just breaking my water and letting me celebrate another birthday the day before Thanksgiving.)
The doctors wouldn't do anything to STOP the contractions, because I was too far along.
I didn't care.  I wanted to go home.  With or without baby.

It. Was. Hell.

The shot of "Nubane" lasted about two hours.
The shot of Morphine lasted 3.
Phenergen lasted about 4.

Finally, after 9 liters of saline, a bajillion different drugs - I passed the bug and my contractions slowed down.

We're now at a nice, comfy 10-15 minute pace.
And by comfy, I mean my groin, lower back and abdomen pretty much scream at me every time I move I'm so sore.  My feet and hands are now perma-swollen, and even ambien isn't helping me sleep much better. 

I'm crabby, sore and can no longer mentally deal with this symbiote.  After much google-fu I am now employing every "safe" method of getting labor going for realz.

Cross your fingers, make a sacrifice, pray, carve a totem, dance a special dance, and wear your lucky socks.  I'm hoping for this show to hit the road on Sunday.  

Otherwise, I might jump off of a cliff. 

Thursday, November 25, 2010

A Little Snark, but Well Meant.

Here's a quick list of things I'm thankful for today.  My fingers and my brain and this blog couldn't possibly hold the entire list.
I've decided to add a hint of snarkiness - because I'm not very good at mush.

1. I'm thankful I have my children.  We live life in technicolor.  Sometimes, the color smells bad - but it makes it that much more exciting.

2. My husband.  Who, just 36 hours ago, slept in a chair beside my hospital bed, and didn't complain one bit.

3. My friends.  All of whom went out of their way (or offered to) this week to make MY life easier, make sure my kids were well taken care of and loved while I couldn't be with them.

4. Ambien.  I slept 8 hours straight last night.  If I got up to pee, I don't remember.  HUZZAH!

5. Glee.  Because when you feel like you've been hit by a bus, and have spent a full 24 hours in the hospital, it's nice to have something fabulous to make you smile when you get home.

6. BBC.  Otherwise, Top Gear and Dr. Who wouldn't exist.  Life would be sad.

7.  Jose Ole.  Because a morning without a sausage egg and cheese breakfast burrito is no bueno.

8. Her mom.  Because, she's my mom.  Duh.

9. Nifty hospital slippers.  Ugly as sin, but they keep my feet warm AND I can cuddle on the couch without taking them off.

10. People who are narcissistic, like me.  So I can read their blogs, and be entertained.

I'm going to stop at ten.

I honestly wish everybody a happy Turkey Day.  I hope it's safe, fun, and fattening.  Despite what the media says - this is a day to ingest MANY calories.  Don't take shortcuts - bring on the butter!

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Final Four.

Well, I should say, the final moments of being four.

The Final Four is a basketball tournament.

Anyway, the boys have been pretty sick this weekend.  I've been stuck in the house, at a level of inactivity I haven't seen in quite a while.

My brain felt like it was melting.

So, on the one weekend where I didn't have to go somewhere to take somebody's pictures - I stayed here and took pictures of us.
They're not great, but it kept me entertained for about an hour.
It also kept the boys from whining.  Which, was music to my ears.  (The silence, not the whining.  I'm not a masochist.) 

Jealous of the hawtness????

It's supposed to be a tender moment.

Ah, the smell of sibling rivalry...

Who farted?  Seriously. 
I just keep telling myself, if we have this much fun with two - three should be more fun.  RIGHT?????

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Public Service Announcement.

I am two, maybe three weeks away from expelling my inner being.
(or, if the Braxton Hicks contractions are any indication - maybe only a week...)

Anyway, I am tired, uncomfortable, irritable and I've hit my "stupid" threshold for this pregnancy.

*On Thursday, a man driving a mini-van with three priests in the back stopped while I was in my driveway, and asked me what city we were in.
I told him.
Then, he asked me if I were sure.

I just got out of my car, in front of my house.  YES.  I am brother-tucking sure of what city I am living in. There is not even a city named what you just said, in this state.  

*Yesterday I had a dental cleaning.
This was my fourth appt. at this office.
Yesterday was my shortest wait of 40 minutes past my appointment time.
Then I left the cleaning before the dentist did her "check" or before my flouride treatment.  Because I had to pick up my son from school.
Conversation with hygenist:
Me: I have to pick up my son from school.  I won't be able to finish this cleaning.
Hyg: You should have scheduled this appointment with thought to your schedule
Me:  I did.  You decided to ignore my appointment time, and keep me in the waiting room for an extra forty minutes.
Hyg: Well, lets schedule your next visit.
Me: I will not be making another appointment with this office.  Have a nice day [in my head I called them all troglodytes]!
Hyg: Oh, I'm sorry.  We'll do better next time.
Me: Well, I heard that every other visit too.  To be fair, you did improve my wait time from 1 hr 35 minutes at the last visit to only 40 minutes today.  But I refuse to reward shitty service and scheduling ability with my continued patronage.  Good bye.

*I know this should not bother me, but I am tired of people telling me "It's not possible for you to be that close to your due date - you're too small".
I've put in my time, trust me.  I AM that close.  So shut up, and stop asking if its healthy, if I'm healthy, If I found out late and drank too much in the beginning, or if I'm starving myself.
-Yes, he's healthy.
-Yes, I'm healthy.  (though, quite irritable)
-No, I found out at the normal "find out your pregnant time - as long as you're not one of those idiots on the show 'I didn't even know I was pregnant'".   The alcohol question is just stupid.  I won't even get into that.
-No, I'm not starving myself.  I did however, until three or four weeks ago - when I dislocated my hip, run at least four days a week.  Logging at least 15 miles a week.  Which is more than it seems, at least when you're halfway through your third trimester.   When I stopped running, I started swimming at least a thousand yards an evening.
Oh, I also don't shove my face with crap.  Most of the time....
I have gained a very respectable 23 lbs at this point.  So shut it.

*Old ladies.  I know back in your day, you guessed gender based on silly pencil tricks, belly size/position and maybe some chanting and help from the other side.
These days we have this awesome thing called "ultra sound".  They do amazing stuff with it
This is, most assuredly, a boy.
I promise, that your promise of "I promise that's a girl, and you're going to be thrown for a loop" will be broken.
So, lets leave it at:  I'm growing a fetus and my belly looks like the belly of a person who is growing a fetus".

Thanks.  By remembering these things, you will keep the pregnant lady from being angered.
I do not like being angry.  It makes my hands and feet swell even more.

Public Service Announcement over.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Ramblin' Rod!

Does anybody from the WC remember that show?

Lil' sis and I were on it once. (Though, not at the same time.)  At seven, you're pretty convinced it makes you famous.  
Being one of the 30 screaming kids on a morning cartoon show does not, in fact, make you famous. Even if you win the smile contest...
That is the child's equivalent to being one of the people who hi-five the contestants on the Price is Right.  Hi-fivers, you're not famous either.  

*Bestest started talking about shoes on her blog this morning.  Dammit.
This is how my shoe death spiral works.
-somebody mentions shoes
-I start looking at shoes
-I see shoes I want
-I buy shoes I want to keep my bp under control
-husband makes this face:
Except, he doesn't wear a loin cloth.
Which, for me, is sad times...
-I feel guilty, but keep the shoes.
-I get pregnant
So, I figure its a good time to purchase the Birkenstock's I was ogling all summer.  They're now $45 dollars cheaper, and I can't get pregnant - while pregnant.  Win/Win/Win. [insert angry Gerard Butler]

*If you're starting to stress about the holidays, I have the perfect website for you.
-click here-
It's sure to help your anxiety.

*The bounce house was the most brilliant idea Mark and I have had to date.  No joke.  It takes 1 minute to inflate, I sit in a chair with a book, they get exercise...
Or, instead of sit in a chair, I can do the dishes and catch up on my "kitchen" tv.  (I'm too ashamed to list the shows I watch while cleaning/cooking in the kitchen...)

*Lindsay, I'd love to run "with" you.
As bestest will tell you, I'm also a solo runner.  This is how the race we ran "together" went.
Me, just a little bit ahead until mile seven (but still within sight).  Mile seven my legs gave me a speech:
Self, run faster.  If you don't, I'm gonna kill you.  
True story.  Because I was in fear for my life, I had to take a strike on the awesome friend tab and run ahead.
She still loves me.  Thank goodness.

*B-rox had his root canal and two crowns taken care of on Tuesday.  I was a ball of stress inside.  I'm still curious as to why Hubband felt the need to ask me why I was stressed.  Uhm. Duh.
He now has two silver teeth.  They told him this while under laughing gas, but failed to show it to him.
Conversation upon discovery of his two silver teeth:
B: Mom! My teeth are silver!!!!!!
Me: I know! That's the way they fixed them.
B: Wait - did they take my white teeth OUT???
Me: Yes.

Tooth Fairy - you're going to have one hell of a fight on your hands... 

*I like the word troglodyte.  It has an air of sophistication butt munch doesn't.

*Kenny, is like, a real human.  He has preferences, and tastes... and they don't always go with mine.
Outfit the other day:
Orange Benny the Beaver sweat pants
Orange 'Cars' t-shirt
Green and red holiday socks.

This outfit happens a lot.  I make him take it off at least every other day.  Because sometimes he's smelly.  

*And now a couple of pictures (I don't think I've already posted) of my two favorite sons.  (That have birth dates... jeesh)
Not the greatest pic.
Funny, none the less.

I'm pretty sure I've posted this before.
But I still love it.
So you get it again. 
{Insert loud Ramblin' Rod whistle to signal leaving}

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

If Money Were No Object:

Copying from My Goal is Simple.

These are the ten things I'd like to find under the tree:
Prepare to be underwhelmed by my selections...


The Nikon D7000.
I expect to be getting the D5000 sooner, rather than later - but if budget weren't an issue, I'd be putting this baby in my shopping cart.


To be in school, finishing school, or even able to remotely think about school.  Most of you should know I'd like to go into nursing.  If you don't, I'll tell you now.  I'd like to go into nursing.
In the interim (aka, while I'm stuck at home with another baby) I'd like to further my photog skills with some classes.
Actually, I'm so desperate to go to school - I'd probably major in history if it got me in!


A new mattress.
Sadly, this is quite a ways off.  Due to the gremlin I'm due to spring from my inner self soon.  But it would be nice to not lay on a lumpy, broken one.


Maid service.
Hubband has actually promised me that if we didn't end up with a new car - after the first of the year he'd spring for somebody to come in and clean my bathrooms once or twice a month.
I'll believe it when I see it...


I need it to be at least 6 quarts, and I'd like it to have the automatic switch to warm.  Because sometimes, you just don't know when hubband is coming home.


World Peace.
Do I need to explain this?
No, I have not decided to compete for Mrs. Virginia.  


Less traffic.  More people carpooling.
Sadly, this is a stretch of road I've driven many times.  Also, I've been stuck in traffic like this on more occasions than I care to count.
Most memorably, when the Navy decided to fly Hubband out of BWI airport the Sunday after Turkey day.
My drive home lasted 8 hours.  The drive from BWI normally takes about an hour.  


A big backyard for my kids to play in.
Maybe not quite this big...
B-rox has begun asking when we can move out of this house and into a house with a big backyard with a fence.  So he can play outside and have a fort and a slip 'n' slide.
I feel like a failure that I can't give this to him.


Enough money to please my husband.  Finish his car, pay the grocery bills that turn his face bright red, and buy him shoes without spending two weeks fighting about how he really does need new shoes.

Run more races.
Entry fees, travel, time all make it impossible to run everything I want to run.
Some of the races I WILL run are:
NYC Marathon
Rock 'n' Roll something - hopefully with a bestest ging?
Dewey Beach Triathalon
Hood2Coast... that one is going to be trickiest, I imagine.
Cascade Lakes Relay
Zombie Run, in Old Town
A Turkey trot 
Cherry Blossom Festival 10 Miler

Also, Looking like that girl would be awesome.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Keeping Myself Busy.

The more I do, the less I remember I hurt, and that after I stop hurting in this manner I'll hurt more.  AND I'll have a newborn.
Ignorance is bliss.  

Her name is Sarah.
His name is Mark.
They have three children.
They're a ton of fun.
But, they are not the McDaniels.

This was one of the shoots I had this past weekend:

Yes.  They are laughing at her falling down.
Nope, it isn't mean.  It was funny.

I have decided to buy a house in their neighborhood.
I will write it off as my "studio".
Because everything about my morning with them was

Nope, not your imagination.
You suddenly smell Man.
You hear grunting.
And have the urge to eat mass amounts of chili. 
I'm so glad I'm not them.
I do not want the task of deciding the Christmas card photo...

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Madness Continues.

Guests started arriving.  In pajamas.  
For some reason, being giant causes my brain to stop working.  I did not think to take a picture of the actual Cereal bar.
We had:
Lucky Charms
Coco Puffs
Rice Krispies
Corn AND Frosted Flakes
Shredded Wheat 
Fruit Loops
Apple Jacks
Corn Pops 
Raisin Bran
Two types of Granola
For toppings we had:
Berries (Straw, Rasp, and Black)
Chocolate Chips 
Graham Crackers
Chocolate Syrup

Plus yogurt or milk.  Depending on your tastes.  

Then, once the sugar was flowing there was time to burn it off.  In the bounce house.  Or in the playroom.
Or, wander around just munching on corn pops...

When the sugar buzzes started to fade, we had back up.
B-rox called his cake "Pirate Island".
I called it Timeout Island.
Those two definitely need to be in timeout...

Nov. 13, 2010.  Disney and Nasa Team up and Buzz Lightyear is the
first person to land on Mercury.  
The one concession I had to make, in order to throw a "together" party for the boys - was to make each of them their own cake.
It was a small concession.  I made it.  And somehow, the cakes turned out to be identifiable as what was requested...  That like, never happens.  

Where else would you put the candles?
And no, there aren't five.
Yes, He is turning five.
Candles scare him.
He asked for three.

So excited to eat Mercury.
By Mercury, we're talking the cake.
Not my planet sized belly.
No comments on that kthxbai.

Assistance from dad, because candles are scary.
He didn't want to get close enough to blow them out.
And, they, apparently were trick candles...
Then it was time for presents.

Yes.  That is a light saber.
I was scared of the eye damage that would be caused.
So far - none.
Just less bad dreams.  Because now they have light sabers to fight
the bad guys with.

Post present hoopla was everybody's nap time.
So they went home, hopefully without diabetes, and slept it off.
Bonus - they were already in jammies!  

Seriously, thank you to everybody who came.  Who dealt with the pandemonium that was this party.
The boys are still buzzing from all the "awesomeness" your presence (and because they're 3 and 5, your presents, too) brought.
We are blessed to call you friends, and family.

The Madness. 2010. (Part Uno)

The boys celebrated their birthdays this weekend.  This is a recap, for those who couldn't join us.  
Because we want you to feel sad you missed it.  
Ok - ok.  I'm joking.  

Mother, why are you making us hold them up?
Please just let us unwrap them! 
 The first gifts were a part of the plan.  A set of new jammies to wear.  To their Pajama party.
Mario brothers and some monster jammies.
Started this party right!  

Face upon seeing the next gift...
No.  It was not a car.

It was a bounce house.
Or, as I like to call it - the "New mommy sanity saver". 

The next gifts were from Jammy.
(Ma, they were just as excited when they actually opened them.) 
"How did she know it would match my room so awesome?"
Magic, son.  Magic.

"Mom!  It has Mercuries! A lot of them.
And Aliens!"
And then the doorbell started ringing...
Stay tuned for part deux.  

Friday, November 12, 2010

Randomness to Help You With Your Boredom

Because, I'm sure, none of you have a life.

That was a joke.  Take a deep breath.  

Tomorrow is the boys' birthday party.  There is a bounce house in my garage, 10lbs of cereal and various fixings in my kitchen, two cakes in my fridge, and two very swollen ankles attached to my legs.
I'm blogging random stuff from my life, while hubband finishes sweeping.  

So here you go:

The vanity plates will never stop being entertaining.

Ah, fashionista in the making.
He later put on his sandals.

This is how we say good morning.

Does this really need a caption?

Lets shove a pillow into this seat, then totally... NOT use it. 

He is awesome.  And getting so big.
It's a little scary.

Three drive-thru lanes at the Chic-fil-A.
A cop  to direct traffic.
Mass pandemonium.

I've eaten there once.
NOT on a Saturday.

Amish hat.
Kills me everytime.

Does this earn me my "temporary honorary membership" into the
Gingy Club???

Also note the awesome bags under my eyes.
That's after makeup.

This fetus isn't even born yet and I'm only
averaging 3.5 hours of sleep a night!