Saturday, November 20, 2010

Public Service Announcement.

I am two, maybe three weeks away from expelling my inner being.
(or, if the Braxton Hicks contractions are any indication - maybe only a week...)

Anyway, I am tired, uncomfortable, irritable and I've hit my "stupid" threshold for this pregnancy.

*On Thursday, a man driving a mini-van with three priests in the back stopped while I was in my driveway, and asked me what city we were in.
I told him.
Then, he asked me if I were sure.

I just got out of my car, in front of my house.  YES.  I am brother-tucking sure of what city I am living in. There is not even a city named what you just said, in this state.  

*Yesterday I had a dental cleaning.
This was my fourth appt. at this office.
Yesterday was my shortest wait of 40 minutes past my appointment time.
Then I left the cleaning before the dentist did her "check" or before my flouride treatment.  Because I had to pick up my son from school.
Conversation with hygenist:
Me: I have to pick up my son from school.  I won't be able to finish this cleaning.
Hyg: You should have scheduled this appointment with thought to your schedule
Me:  I did.  You decided to ignore my appointment time, and keep me in the waiting room for an extra forty minutes.
Hyg: Well, lets schedule your next visit.
Me: I will not be making another appointment with this office.  Have a nice day [in my head I called them all troglodytes]!
Hyg: Oh, I'm sorry.  We'll do better next time.
Me: Well, I heard that every other visit too.  To be fair, you did improve my wait time from 1 hr 35 minutes at the last visit to only 40 minutes today.  But I refuse to reward shitty service and scheduling ability with my continued patronage.  Good bye.

*I know this should not bother me, but I am tired of people telling me "It's not possible for you to be that close to your due date - you're too small".
I've put in my time, trust me.  I AM that close.  So shut up, and stop asking if its healthy, if I'm healthy, If I found out late and drank too much in the beginning, or if I'm starving myself.
-Yes, he's healthy.
-Yes, I'm healthy.  (though, quite irritable)
-No, I found out at the normal "find out your pregnant time - as long as you're not one of those idiots on the show 'I didn't even know I was pregnant'".   The alcohol question is just stupid.  I won't even get into that.
-No, I'm not starving myself.  I did however, until three or four weeks ago - when I dislocated my hip, run at least four days a week.  Logging at least 15 miles a week.  Which is more than it seems, at least when you're halfway through your third trimester.   When I stopped running, I started swimming at least a thousand yards an evening.
Oh, I also don't shove my face with crap.  Most of the time....
I have gained a very respectable 23 lbs at this point.  So shut it.

*Old ladies.  I know back in your day, you guessed gender based on silly pencil tricks, belly size/position and maybe some chanting and help from the other side.
These days we have this awesome thing called "ultra sound".  They do amazing stuff with it
This is, most assuredly, a boy.
I promise, that your promise of "I promise that's a girl, and you're going to be thrown for a loop" will be broken.
So, lets leave it at:  I'm growing a fetus and my belly looks like the belly of a person who is growing a fetus".

Thanks.  By remembering these things, you will keep the pregnant lady from being angered.
I do not like being angry.  It makes my hands and feet swell even more.

Public Service Announcement over.

1 reviews:

Lindsay said...

What the hell were 3 priests in a mini-van doing in your neighborhood with no idea where they were is my question?
And at least people are saying your tiny instead of saying "Whoa, how far past the due date are you?? You're huge." Not sure why being pregnant gives people the card to say whatever the hell they want to you.
"None of your damn business" should be your answer to every question asked to you from now until delivery. Try it. Could be fun! Can't wait to see pictures of the "too tiny, unhealthy" little boy! :)