Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Diaper Runneth Over...

Get it?  It's a play on words...  

Yesterday was my first day all by myself with all three kids.  For an entire day.

It started off awesomely. Yes, that is now a word.  I say so.  I handed the boys the iPod and let them watch movies for an hour in bed with me while Zore and I caught another hour of sleep.

Both boys were ridiculously well behaved and helped me get some laundry done, along with a shower/bath for all of us.  During naptime I was even able to make some phone calls.

Though I was tired by the time Mark got home, I felt maybe I could actually do this.

Then today happened.
The explosiveness of Braxton's temper as he adjusts to this new dynamic is blowing my mind.  To the point that I'm not sure how to even put it into words.
Unfortunately, I know exactly how he feels.
I was five when my baby sister came home.  The feelings of displacement were huge. It took nearly a decade for me to let go of the resentment I felt towards her.  (Though, none of it was really anyone's fault.)   And I know that's exactly what the B-rox is going through.
What I don't know is how to fix it.  I can't change that I can't drive or lift.  I can't change that Zore is here.
I can't change any of what is bothering him.  My heart is broken for him.  I feel completely helpless and overwhelmed.  And there isn't a damn thing I can do about any of it.  
Today is not a good day so far.

I'm trying to keep things in perspective.  A blog I have been following for a little over a year lost one of her babies last week.
Things could have gone that horribly wrong for me.  It was close, but (I'm about to get a teeny bit preachy...) God was looking out for us.  I made it through.  I have some ridiculous scars from it - but scars are badass, right? Holden survived.  And amazingly, is my rockstar baby so far.
I know I am blessed.  This very unplanned baby is going to bring much joy to my life.  To his dad's life.  To his brothers' lives (eventually).
Just like my two unplanned babies before him.
Yeah, I'm that gosh darn - statistic.  Thankfully I'm now missing some pieces of the baby making machine.  And this will Never. Happen. Again. 
*Can you hear the angels singing too? - No?  Oh.  Must just be me...*

So, today is not a good day.  And I've cried.  A lot.
But that doesn't mean tomorrow can't be good.  Mostly, because we're here.  And yes, I'm thankful.  Even when I have checkers boxes being launched at my head. 

Now, to tie in the diaper part:

Diapers have never been so dang adorable.

Baby H.  2 weeks old.
I'm a week behind... sue me.

2 reviews:

Mrs. Wookie said...

I have porn for you after today. Wait for it.

And a big hug from 3,000 miles away.

And any idea (I know I'm boggling your mind)....but whenever you get around to dedicating/baptizing the boys (future future future), I'd love to try to be there.

So just know I love you. I miss you. My feet could use another pedi. And some baby time (you've ruined my stanch stance on babies, just so you know).

Do you like my blog post in the comment section??

H is freakin' cute.

Sorry for B-Man. I get it too.

I miss K too.

Good thing you have short hair now, so I don't have to braid it.

Monologue over. Love you.

Anonymous said...

What a totally awesome looking family. It sounds like Braxton needs some time, but he's bright and sweet so he'll be fine.

Love and prayers from the west coast.